Triple J Hottest 100 Can Eattadiccuptilithiccups
So yesterday I tuned into the Triple J Hottest 100 about halfway through and decided to give a running commentary over Twitter. Since everybody has been requesting me to write it up (well just Kristoff the Russian really) I decided to throw my ranting up here for prosperity.
Releash the hate!
43. Yolanda Be Cool – We No Speak Americano
Yolande Be Cool sounded like Jive Bunny & the Mastermixers un-retired, found some bleeping machine & said ‘Lets rip off dumb teenagers’
42. Gorillaz – On Melancholy Hill
Damon Albarn phoned that track in from his heroin den.
41. Bliss N Eso – Down By The River
……….
40. Gyroscope – Baby, I’m Getting Better
Don’t know what he was ‘getting better’ at, but it certainly wasn’t writing a song that doesn’t make you want to eat nails
39. John Butler Trio – Revolution
Who the fuck is this? The Triple J Nickelback?
That was John Butler? Fuck he is even worse then I remember. And I remember him being as bad as chlamydia.
38. The Naked And Famous – Young Blood
Whats this? MGMT decaf?
37. Gorillaz – Doncamatic {Ft. Daley}
The G-Dogz track was actually alright
36. Chiddy Bang – Opposite Of Adults
Chiddy Bang? Chiddy Bang?!? CHIDDY FUCKIN BANG!! CHIDDY MOTHERCUNTINFUCKSHITBALLSCOCKBITCH BANG!?!?! Fuck you Australia!
35. Mark Ronson & The Business Intl. – The Bike Song {Ft. Kyle Falconer & Spank Rock}
Hey Mark, where are the horns son? The horns? Bicycle bells are not a suitable replacement for horns
34. The Naked And Famous – Punching In A Dream
This was obviously the year that everyone tried to be like MGMT, but MGMT decided to do mountains of blow and headbut their keyboards.
33. Tame Impala – Solitude Is Bliss
Now Tame Impala I fucks with! This LP was gold from front to back. Yeah I said it you ass wrangler motherfucker
32. Foster The People – Pumped Up Kicks
Que? The kids with the pumped up kicks need to run faster than his puppet?
So that song was basically condoning high school shootings? Cool! At least we’ll have less stupid teenagers voting in the Hottest 100
31. The National – Bloodbuzz Ohio
I have a mate who’ll talk you into a coma about indie cinema & complexities of Russian literature. He likes The National
30. Yeasayer – O.N.E
Take hipster indie band nobody cares about + kitsch synth found at op-shop = music sensation jerked off over by Pitchfork.
29. Illy – It Can Wait {Ft. Owl Eyes}
Did Illy just give us a shout out on Triple J? Oh no……… no………… wait…….that was the sound of me punching the cat.
28. Darwin Deez – Radar Detector
And I’m a retard detector buddy & right now I’m beeping so much I sound like a fleet of reversing trucks driven by Daleks
27. Florence & The Machine/Dizzee Rascal – You’ve Got The Dirtee Love {Live}
When Mash-Ups Go Bad”. Does Dizee do anything for money now? The XX covered this song better than the OG anyhow
26. Crystal Castles – Not In Love {Ft. Robert Smith}
We need to stage an intervention 4 Robert Smith. He’s still as depressed as he was when The Cure first formed back in 1924
25. Gotye – Eyes Wide Open
Can’t critique that one as I was taking a shit. However from what I did hear, the plonking of my assnuggets sounded better
24. Sparkadia – Talking Like I’m Falling Down Stairs
I pushed him
23. Bliss N Eso – Addicted
Hey if you like Bliss and Eso you should check out the awesome item they donated to #FloodMoneyAuction
22. Children Collide – Jellylegs
When I hear Children Collide,I think of 2 small toddlers being thrown by giant catapults & smashing into each other mid-air. Then I lol.
21. Two Door Cinema Club – Undercover MartynU
Was that dubstep?
@nick_sweepah Yeah these kids at work have been talking about it. Supposedly it’s like hip hop but in the future! Have you heard of it?
@nick_sweepah I think the term dub-step is confusing though. We should call it space-hop or robot rap!!
20. Washington – Sunday Best
This Megan Washington has a voice I’d like to give some sex to.
@TheOptimen Thats okay. I’m only sexing her voice so she can resemble a firetruck for all I care.
19. Flight Facilities – Crave You {Ft. Giselle}
This lady also has a voice I would give sex to. However as the 7pm Project just came on tv, it would turn into a hatefuck
18. Cloud Control – There’s Nothing In The Water We Can’t Fight
(Beer run)
17. Mark Ronson & The Business Intl. – Bang Bang Bang {Ft. MNDR & Q-Tip}
This is the only way amazing US MC’s like Q-Tip will ever be in the #Hottest100 With ‘funky’ cross-genre collabs… *sigh*
16. The Jezabels – Mace Spray
(Broke the seal)
15. Duck Sauce – Barbara Streisand
This Duck Sauce shit is catchy. Like AIDS was in the 80’s. This is basically the modern day “Ma-Na-Ma-Na” song
14. Kanye West – Runaway {Ft. Pusha T}
140 characters just isn’t enough to tell you how I feel….
13. Sia – Clap Your Hand
(Bored)
@Drapht in the Top 5 #Hottest100 #CallingIt
12. Drapht – Rapunzel
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuckit! Disregard last tweet……..
Actually don’t disregard that tweet Australia. Take it and shove it up your ass! Deserved Top 5 @drapht did….
So thats hip hop done for the #Hottest100 right?
11. Pendulum – ABC News Theme {Remix}
Wow listen to that. I just imagine Kerry O’Brien peakin hard as fuck to this!!!
10. Mark Ronson & The Business Intl. – Somebody To Love Me {Ft. Boy George & Andrew Wyatt}
Both Boy George and Robert Smith featured in the #Hottest100. What fucking year is this?
9. Art Vs. Science – Magic Fountain
This song just confirms that the kids aren’t even listening. They just need a semblance of a beat to get fuckin muntered too
That was the music that the Israeli Army blasts from their tanks when invading the West Bank. Militant dance garbage.
8. The Wombats – Tokyo (Vampires & Wolves)
Conversation had by this singer 9 months ago - “Hey guys lets try to ride Block Partys dick into relevancy
7. Cee Lo Green – Fuck You!
I remember when you used to rap and roll in Chevies you tubby bastard. Fuck you Cee-Lo. Fuck you.
6. Adrian Lux – Teenage Crime
(Another beer run)
5. Boy & Bear – Fall At Your Feet
So you get into the Top 5 if you absolutely massacre a Crowded House classic with a stupid fuckin banjo and bad warbling?
4. Birds Of Tokyo – Plans
That track was what 14 year old girls have their first wet dream to. Disturbing aint it?
3. Ou Est Le Swimming Pool – Dance The Way I Feel
Well lets look on the bright side, we won’t hear them in next years #Hottest100 will we?
2. Little Red – Rock It
Oh aren’t they quirky! They harmonise! They have handclaps! I bet they sport glasses without lenses & have pedo moustaches
White Hispster Arrogant Douchebag Scenesters (WHADS) are a growing problem for many developed nations
1. Angus & Julia stone – Big Jet plane
Take her for a ride on his big jet plane? Is that a euphimism? If so it doesnt even sound like he has a ‘kite’ in his pants
I am going to punch this fucking jerk in the throat when I see him and then I’m going to force his sister to wash my underpants. Cunts!
The sexual innuendo is creepy in this song. I got 10 bucks on Julia raping her brother Angus with a black dildo before sets #Hottest100
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