What the fuck is Lil Wayne Talking About?!
If I hear one more person/blog/publication extol what a lyrical genius Lil Wayne is then I am going to get all Suge Knight on peoples asses. The kid just doesn’t make any fucking sense whatsoever and the more I listen to his garbled 16’s the more certain I become that he is suffering some sort of mental impairment. Don’t believe me? Then read over some Weezy lyrics cause they really speak for themselves;
“I’m an extension cord, I’m a lightning rod /
I’m a lion roar, I’m a dinosaur.”
- from ‘Don’t Touch Me (Remix)’
There are so many levels of retardedness in this lyric I never know where to begin. So Wayne conducts electricity? Fantastic! Good to know I can plug him into the powerpoint so that I’m able to vacuum the car on Sunday afternoons. But wait he is a dinosaur too! Raaaaar! For my money I reckon he would be a Stegosaurus – the dinosaur with the littlest brain mass per body weight. Scientists were surprised the Stegosaurus could even feed itself with such a miniscule brain, much like how most hip hop heads are amazed that Lil Wayne can even walk and talk at the same time.
“Papa I did it to em, I’m a bastard /
And I’m going to do it again like nigga backwards.”
- from ‘Shoot Me Down’
A straight up F on this one Wayne. Let’s break it down on the blackboard. Nigga backwards spells A-G-G-I-N. Now perhaps with that down syndrome mouth full of marbles mumbling of yours uttering ‘aggin’ actually sounds like ‘again’, but I am afraid that this lyric is an epic fail on the spelling front. Time to go to the Special Ed class.
“I’m a venereal disease, like a menstrual bleed.”
- from ‘A Milli’
Gonorrhea is not the same thing as a period Wayne. For somebody who supposedly is surrounded by fine ass hoes and bitches all day everyday, you seem to be rather ignorant about the reproductive health of women in general. I’ll actually agree with you on the venereal disease comparison though Wayne. You are itchy, unpleasant, spread everywhere and I’m not fucking with you.
“They can’t stop me, even if they stop me.”
- from ‘3 Peat’
Wayne they just fucking stopped you! You’ve been stopped. Stopping has happened, therefore you have been stopped and your logic and understanding of basic physics is utterly fucked up beyond comprehension. Einstein’s ghost is currently punching your dead homies in the throat for this nonsense.
“I’m a shark in the water, you just Long John Silver”
- from ‘The Rapper Eater’
So let me get this straight Mr Weezy. I’m one of the most famous fictional pirates of all-time, a fucking ruthless cunning villain, who nearly every other pirate has bitten the steez of (peg legs and parrots motherfucker - I started that shit) who managed to successfully evade capture by the authorities and disappeared with a small fortune? And you’re a dumbass fish with teeth that will eventually get caught in a net somewhere off the African coast, sliced up, battered and served with my chips? Sure…. sure Wayne. I can live with that.
“I’m nuts, just call me squirrel.”
- from ‘Get High, Screw Da World’
I don’t know ANY squirrels whose mother named them Nuts. None. Nobody does. You know why? Cause squirrels don’t even have names motherfucker! And if they did, I doubt they would name themselves after things they consume. That’s like your mum calling you Purple Drank.
“And yeah I’m a bear, like black and white hair, so I’m polar.”
- from ‘Phone Home’
Straight up, this lyric is completely and utterly 100% Rainman certified spastic. There is absolutely no way of attempting to interpret this line with a logical mind. It doesn’t fucking make sense. Then of course you have the rest of the song which basically has Wayne pretending to be ET in a spaceship. Son, lay off the sizzurp.
“I’m fresher than a newborn and um, I could work you out like a futon.”
- from Chris Brown’s ‘Gimme That (Remix)’
What the fuck is there to work out with a futon Wayne? It would probably be the least challenging piece of Ikea furniture to assemble ever. It’s a simple wooden base with a mattress on top! That’s it. I have one and the fucking thing only has 4 screws. 4 screws Wayne! It’s not like you’re assembling your fucking spaceship is it now?
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