Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #10 P-Diddy

10. P-Diddy (not Puffy)

I’m not going to lie, to be honest Puffy is somewhat of an inspiration to me; we often overlook certain aspects of his life simply so we can make ourselves feel better as we seethe with jealousy and try and discredit everything he’s ever done in a fit of tall poppy rage.

Lest we forget duke was the man who gave us some of the most prolific rappers ever in hip hop history, and more closer to home and relating to my own life, over came a distinctive stutter to become a platinum selling artist in his own right.

This is why Diddy, and not Puffy, deserves to line his mouth with the contents of a trouser snake’s personal clutch bag; the constant over-compensation of his own ability and the complete abolition of everything he’s achieved as a young entrepreneur. Tell me again dawg about how you think you’re the new James Bond? or maybe about how important it is for young men to ‘get their sexy all the way right’ in this day and age you legacy destroying media whore. It’s a short hop, skip and a jump from posing in your own ads for your own clothing line to vandalising photos of celebrities a la Perez Hilton in an effort to make yourself feel useful as you realise your worth to society is all but dried up.

Full stop.

Why don’t you pump out some more completely un-memorable and fleeting RnB bands bro? Let’s try and keep the unfuckwitable legacy of Bad Boy Records in the mid 90’s to early 00’s intact shall we? Let’s try and keep a wide berth between the Flava in ya ear remix and the nameless reality TV groups you squeeze out in between rounds of Golf and appearances at parties for hollywood B-listers.

This is why Diddy gets the Bozack.  

By Syntax

That was the last in Syntax’s guest series of rappers who get the bozack. Catch him here to listen to his other ranting. And maybe rapping.

15 April 8 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #9 Pitbull

9. Pitbull

At some point in time the ‘club aficionados’, i.e. young 20 something DJ’s or their even younger 59/50 tilted hat friends (who tell everyone they’re promoters when in reality they just drop off flyers) have decided that one’s worth in the hip hop industry is measured by the level of sexiness of woman their song attracts on the dance floor.

Pitbull falls into this category, and his level of shitness is constantly overlooked by overly paid DJ’s who swear to god that Pitbull is murking everyone else in the game because every woman who posts up to the DJ booth to request ‘Culo’ is a definite ten on the honey dip sliding scale.

Of course, knowing lots about rap music, and not particularly giving a shit about trying to get into the pants of a woman who would sneer at me the second she laid eyes on me, I can honestly tell you that I see no difference between Pitbull and those two geriatric Berlusconi look alikes who released ‘The Macarena’ in the latter portion of the last century.

Read More

Source: peakstreet.com

7 April 4 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #8 Aesop Rock

8. Aesop Rock

I kind of dig the Def Jux thing, there’s no doubt that there are times when it offers an alternative in your iPod when you’ve exhausted your Wu Tang back catalogue. Def Jux is the musical equivalent of asian porn when you’ve been blasting over nothing but black chicks and downloaded videos from bootylicious.com

But with Def Jux seemingly comes a blind acceptance of anything they release as pure gospel; words spoken from the mouth of Jesus himself, and the forseeable promise that they will one day they will take the ‘water’ that is hip hop, and turn it into wine. I’m still waiting. Aesop Rock falls into this far fetched and undeserved category of rap prophet; a pale skinned everyday man that emo’s admire as the messiah because he shared the same label as Murs and Cage.

But let’s not forget that in the early days of Def Jux they made raw hip hop, something that was definitively comparable to what Rawkus Records was pumping out at around the same time, when everyone began to grow tired of commercial rap when the Trackmasters well and truly overstayed their welcome.

Read More

1 April 4 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #7 Termanology

7. Termanology

Now before I kick this one off, I just want to mention that there is a multitude of reasons why someone deserves to be chowing down on the tough leathery contents of a gentleman’s pants.

Firstly, we can’t deny the reasons why we enjoy certain rappers; for some it’s the cadence and pattern at which they construct their bars, something that Termanology does effectively. For others it’s their choice of production that endears us to them. For myself it’s definitely a case of the first two, but with the added touch of a noteable sense of direction and good choice of song topic, and this is where the problem starts.

Chuck on the LP with producer D.C, or even as late as ‘Watch how it go down’ and I’m singing the man’s praises as much as the next man, but after that he takes a triumphant fall into underhanded world of whingeing and over-assuredness of his own ability.

Read More

27 March 5 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #6 MF DOOM

6. MF DOOM

Just admit it, you like his beats. How can a man with very little to say about anything, off time lyrics, and a well founded reputation for treating his fans exceptionally bad be considered anything other than a full time fancier of scrotal culinary experiences?

“Wait a minute tax, now you’ve gone too far!” Go on, blow the dust off your record collection and shove your KMD albums under my short and highly elevated nose; the reaction you’ll get from me is one of admiration for a group that not only inspired lots of today’s artists, but took everything Spike Lee campaigned against and turned it into radical and revolutionary music.

Now go play that, and then go and listen to anything off a Victor Vaughn album.

I’ma have to get all Lionel Hutz up in this bitch.

“Case Closed”

This is why MF Doom gets the bozack.

By Syntax - http://syntaxthemusical.wordpress.com

*Disclaimer - The Editor of Peak Street wishes to let the public know that he does not agree with Syntax’s views on this one and will smack him in the face with a copy of Herbs & Spices Volume 3 next time I see him out. Which ironically will probably be the MF DOOM gig. For our view on DOOM click here.

23 March 4 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack # 5 E-40

5. E-40

Go on, say it, tell me all bout how E-40 is a legend, tell me about he single handedly created the ‘Hyphy’ scene and/or was an important pillar that helped hold up early 90’s fledgling Bay Area hip hop.

And now go and write down the lyrics of your favourite E-40 song, word for word, with no mistakes or substituted words. What’s that? oh you can’t? Why not? probably because the concept of rhythmic timing is something that is as alien to E-40 as dentistry is to Lil Fame.

I don’t want to be rude, but inventing your own bar structure while trying to fit lyrics into the pre-ordained normality of the beat your trying to rap to doesn’t really fly in my books. I can’t suddenly start speaking French in Japanese class at school and not raise the eyebrows of the visiting exchange students from Fukijima High School, who being born in Japan, know their way around what good Japanese actually sounds like.

I think that analogy worked.

It’s not often a rapper releases an album that sounds like you’ve accidentally hit the 2x speed button on your iPod, and giving him props purely for the purpose of longevity is ignoring the reasons why we admire skill in the first place. I don’t dare judge the value that key figures have played in society and their importance to progression, but if Nelson Mandela ever released a rap album I’m sure he would cop a dose of tax eyebrow raising too.

He’s become like Snoop Dogg, a towering figure of solidarity that no one has the balls to pull aside and say, “Sorry, uh, Snoop, you’re standing in J-Cole’s limelight”.

This is why E-40 gets the bozack.

By Syntax

22 March 2 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #4 John Cena

4. John Cena

John Cena is the personification of a Saturday Night Live skit that tries to make a joke about emulating hip hop in popular culture; he strikes me as the kind of guy who a dude who spends too much time at car shows could one day become if he decided to dedicate his life to going to the gym.

We’ve all got/had one of those friends; the guy at school who was friends with the polynesian guys in his football team, and slowly began to find a penchant for rap music as he ferried them all to maccas on friday night’s in his Nissan Exa.

At that point in time a fight would normally break out as the burliest of the group would argue over what songs they wanted to play on their scratched Che Fu CD.

Of course, there are a million people who fit the John Cena rap template, however instead of launching into an exhaustive tirade on them all I use him as an avatar for the ‘ebonically confused’. He’s a physical embodiment of our first attempt at a rap song; the large spaced block printed bars we jotted down in the back of our home room books in between pictures of space mice holding machine guns and notes about third and fourth period class swaps.

So as I check the surrounding area and make sure that the muscled star is still safely positioned thousands of KM’s away, all’s left to do is claim that this is why John Cena gets the bozack.

Source: peakstreet.com

20 March 3 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #3 Lupe Fiasco

3. Lupe Fiasco

The word classic gets thrown around a lot these days, unfortunately some bright spark decided to throw it the way of Lupe Fiasco when trying to find a suitable adjective that summarised his first two albums.

Flavor Flav bounced around inside my head (figuratively, although given half a chance the thought of physically bouncing around inside someone’s head would peak Flav’s interest for a new reality TV show), and I stuck firm to the PE catch cry that can be so easily tacked on to so many different circumstances in the early part of the 21st century:

Don’t believe the hype.

His latest album proves that without good beats, he’s just a poorly articulate whingeing little midget that spent far too long riding the coat-tails of his ‘not too bad’ debut on Kanye West’s second LP.

Read More

19 March 2 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #2 Cali Swag District

2. Cali Swag District

Now I know what you’re immediately thinking; but tax, yo, this is a group homeboy, I’m not too sure what school you went to but around these parts we understand the concept of plurals and singular individuals. I don’t like to discriminate when it comes to handing out the gongs for testicular consumption, so if it means tarring them all with the same brush, then so be it.

Cali Swag District are signposters for many things, I like to think of them as an effective gauge for measuring the steady decline in society and the god awful immediate acceptance of anything that somebody else says is ‘hot’; every time I hear Teach me how to Dougie, it’s pure semiotics.

Read More

12 March 2 Permalink

Guest Column - Rappers Who Get The Bozack #1 Kid Cudi

Syntax gets angry and awesomeness ensues with his new Guest Column series.

I’m easily inflamed, in fact, I seemingly have a penchant for unresearched haterade fueled internet tirades more so than any other person in this country.

It is for this reason that I’ve compiled my top 10 list of rappers that get under my skin and for varying reasons all deserve to eat heartily the sweatified contents of a man’s stained love glob container.

These aren’t in any particular order, I just figured when it comes to eating the bozack basically being number 1 is just as terrible as number 10. Line up 10 rappers and get them all to chow down on an assortment of sweaty nutsack’s and they’re all losers, regardless of the chronological timeline.

1. Kid Cudi

It always amuses me when a younger generation try and tell you about technology; the other day a 16 year old tried to tell me how to use an iPhone. It’s ok buddy, I’ve already got one; I was kind of already living in the 21st century when they came along you little ankle biter. If you’re so smart, go on, BUILD me an iPhone, oh that’s right, you can’t. Leave it to the grown ups.

Read More

11 March 6 Permalink